Square vs. Enix
by Kiyuda2006
Summary: Kiyuda's favorite Squaresoft Characters (Garnet, Quistis, Tifa, Rikku and Bart) have to infiltrate the Enix Building, searching ideas for Square. Will they accomplish their mission? Please R&R and please no flames. WARNING: Highly depressed Quistis.


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The World is SQUÆRE™

Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me. They belong to Squaresoft. There will be the SQUÆRE-Staff and their characters. Maybe some other characters will show up.

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Hawaii, Honolulu, SQUÆRE-Studios: Garnet Til Alexandros the 17th(FF9) swayed through the corridor of the Square-Building, humming " Melodies of Life". It was empty, without any pictures or furniture. Square was nearly ruined by its losses. Final Fantasy the movie had flopped, Final Fantasy IX had been creamed by (The archenemy) Enix's Dragon Quest VII and the X-Box had just come out recently. It couldn't even afford a new air conditioning machine. Garnet really regretted that, as the Hawaiian heat burned her face. She mopped some sweat of her brow and decided to complain to the president.

Hard times were now at Square Inc. About three-quarter of the staff had been thrown out. But on the other Side Square had found out, how to recreate its video-game characters with help from nanotechnology. Those, who were cheap manpower, had the pleasure to do all the dirty work. 

Finally Garnet had reached the president's office. She knocked at the door, which was very thin. "_Hai_. Come in." she heard from the inside. She entered and the words began to flow: "_Konichiwa_, President-_Sama_. I just wanted to remind you to repair the air conditioner. It's awfully hot here. And by the way When will another game with me come in the stores? I'm infamous. I don't like that." She wailed. The president, who had definitely more important things to do, just stared at her. Then he lowered his head sighing. Eventually he collected all his courage and faced her: "I am very sorry. You know that we don't have much money." He showed her a diagram. A red line dropped down to the bottom. "See? There is" he continued, but was interrupted by the angry girl. "I don't care. The heat is killing me and I want to be a star. Even more famous than Lara Croft!" She shouted. Her voice echoed and scared the seagulls nearby. The president had hidden himself under his desk and was shivering miserably. "Well You could help me." He stammered. "Tell me." Garnet demanded. The president stood up and narrowed his eyes. Then cleared his throat and explained: "We could steal the archenemy's ideas and use them for our own products. Then we would ruin them." After these words the president broke out in an insane laughter. Garnet felt a bit scared and slowly sneaked out of the president's office. Still holding the doorknob, she grinned: "I will set up my own secret agent crew. And I will be their leader. Eventually we'll infiltrate the archenemy's stronghold But first, I need someone to type this down." Garnet then slammed the door hard, really hard. Some of the plaster flaked off the walls, which then collapsed with a great rumble. The president watched Garnet, his eyes full of awe. "It wasn't me." She replied as innocently as she could. Before the president could say something, she sped off and looked for a secretary.

****

Still in Hawaii, Honolulu, Square-Studios: After an hour or so, Garnet was completely exhausted. But it was even worse as she had not found a secretary anywhere. She had looked everywhere, even under her bed. She rested on the floor of a hall. (Like I said, there's no furniture.) Tears formed themselves in the corners of her brown eyes. " Now we will never gain some cash." She sadly exclaimed. Suddenly she heard a female giggle inside the marketing manager's office. Curious as she was, Garnet peered through the keyhole. She couldn't believe her eyes: Wasn't that Quistis Trepe (FF8) sitting on Mr. Suzuki's lap, doing all the typing? Normally, the blond woman had to mop the floors in Sector C. But no. Instead she was the Ex-Presidents new playmate. "My Quisty-_chan_." He sighed, his mind lost in a dream world. "Weren't that good times, when the company still had money and I was president?" "You are still president to me, Suzuki-_san_." She replied sweetly with a flirtatious smile on her lips. "_Arigato_, Quisty. A nice word is always welcome in troubled times." The man slung his arms around the woman's waist and started to kiss her neck. She enjoyed his special treatment obvious. "Don't be such a pessimist, Mr. Suzuki. Everything will turn out for the best. You'll see." She whispered and returned to her work. Actually, it was his work. If the president knew about this affair, then then Garnet didn't even want to know what would happen then. 

Eventually the marketing manager dismissed his darling. Garnet drew her breath. She had to hide somewhere, but just where? Then a flash of genius stroked her brain. As fast as she could, she crawled into the airshaft. And just about in time. The other woman grabbed her mop and walked off. Just a moment later, another idea blessed Garnet

Quistis hurried through the corridors, swinging her mop back and forth. Thankful, that none had crossed her way. She had almost reached Sector C, when suddenly a shadow jumped out the airshaft. With a frightened scream, Quistis fell on her butt. "Halt, Blondie!" Garnet ordered. "In the name of Queen Garnet. That's me. I choose you as my new secretary." "Out of my way. I have to scrub the floors!" Quistis hissed. "Then, I'll tell the president about you and your Romeo!" Garnet spit back. Quistis wagged her finger in front of Garnet's face: "Nope. That's not fair. You are using my loneliness for your own plans." She cried. But Garnet insisted: "Surrender or face the consequences! I will tell the president, that you are dating our dear Suzuki-_san_." Quistis sighed: "Well. I guess. I have no other choice. So I'll be your new secretary." "Very good." Garnet replied and told Quistis he whole plan. Finally she added: "You know. It would be vital for the mission, if we had someone who'd be interested in machines. If you find someone useful, then contact me"

Two hours had passed. Quistis sluggishly stepped to the coffee-machine. (They have a coffee-machine? Whoa!) She wasn't swinging her mop anymore. Instead she was dragging it with her. While walking, she groaned: "I'm so tired Need some Co- coffee Two hours more to go" She had just taken a cup. When suddenly, a lightning of a shadow lunged to the coffee-machine. Rikku Alvedo (FF10) opened the coffee-machine, snatched all the coffee beans that were left and stuffed them into her mouth. As quickly as she had appeared, Rikku vanished into the darkness. Quistis just stood there, breathing hard. Her hands were trembling. "No coffee left?" She asked the gray wall. "That's not fair!" She cried and stomped her foot on the floor. Unfortunately, the floor too, was pretty thin. With a loud crack, her foot disappeared in the ground. "Why do always such things happen to me?" She wringed her hands. "I'll go see my psychologist, this evening."

"_Guten Abend_, Quistis." The woman with the heavy german accent said, adjusting her glasses. "Good evening, Dr. Luccia (CC)." Quistis greeted back and forced a smile. "_Also_. How do you feel today?" The doctor interrogated. "Terrible." Quistis answered shortly. Both women sat onto the couch. (Wow furniture!) After an hour, Quistis had told everything Dr. Luccia. But the psychologist wasn't satisfied yet. "What about your sex-life?" Quistis rolled her eyes. "On the freezing point. (I won't talk about Mr. Suzuki.) Some people think, that I'm still a virgin. I'm not even sure, if I am still a virgin." She wined. At the same moment, the door flung open. Rikku Alvedo jumped onto the couch. Because of the sudden impact, the piece of furniture broke down. "Hi guys." Rikku shrieked, unaware of the couch she had destroyed. "You are a bit too early, Rikku." Dr. Luccia explained, annoyed by the loss of her beloved couch. "Can't you see, that I am still discussing things with my regular customer?" "It's allright." Quistis lied. "I have to go now." Then she left the room. She could hear Dr. Luccia asking: "What is your problem, Rikku?" And Rikku answered: "My work is so monotonous! The whole day I'm running in a carrying wheel, producing electricity. I wanna pilot somethin'. The only thing I pilot is the floor-polisher, twice a month." Quistis who had listened all the time, knit her eyebrows. "Maybe Rikku could do me a little favour"

Meanwhile Garnet had desperately searched for her boyfriend Zidane. In despite of her hoarse voice, she still called: "Zidane! Where are you, Zidane? When I get hold of you, I'll wring your neck!" Finally, she found him at the bar. (A bar? Cool!) He was drunk and spun around on the stool he was sitting on. He asked the barkeeper: "Hey Tifa (FF7)! Hiccup. Are those real?" Then his finger pointed to her chest. Hiding her anger, she answered: "Yes Sweetie. They are." "May I touch them?" he stammered and let out an insolent burp. A second later his right hand got hold of her tank-top. But not for long. Her fist smashed his face hard and sent him flying. "That will teach you some manners." She shouted. "I am impressed." Garnet praised Tifa. "Want to join a rebel group against Enix? We could use people like you." Garnet explained and shoved a calling card to Tifa, who read it aloud: "Her Majesty Garnet Til Alexandros the 17th, Queen of Alexandria and leader of the yet nameless secret agent crew. Surrender or face the consequences Cool! I'm your woman. When do we start?" "Right now. We'll go see the president." Garnet announced. "You heard it, boys. The bar is closed." Tifa told her customers, that were mostly drunk. "No, you can't do that to us." "Who'll entertain us now?" "Don't go away, baby." They babbled. 

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Hawaii, Honolulu, Square-Building, the president's office: Quistis, Garnet, Tifa and Rikku gathered themselves in the president's office. The president was nowhere to be seen. But instead Dr. Aki Ross (FFTSW), the new vice-president was there. Cooly, she explained: "All set? Good. For further information, go see Cid in the coffee-shop. The password is WEHT DLRO QSSI ERAU." "Coffee." Quistis called enthusiasticly. "Strange codeword. Is it Al Bhed?" Garnet said bewildered. "Err which Cid?" Tifa wondered. "I'm not permitted to tell you. You are dismissed." Dr. Ross said sharply. "This is all your fault, Dork-tor Ross." The enraged Rikku shouted. "If I had been the principal role in the movie. More people would have come watching it, cause I'm so much cuter than you. I hope the phantom in you, eats up your soul." And with those words, she left the "wall-less" room. The other three girls followed her. Dr. Aki Ross looked at them grimly: "May your mission succeed"

****

Hawaii, Honolulu, Tiki-coffee-shop: "Aloha, Miss. What do you desire?" The shop assistant asked. "Listen carefully, Mister." Garnet advised him. "DLRO QSSI ERAU WEHT." The shop assistant just blinked in confusion. "Oh no! I mixed it all up!" Garnet cried. "It's QSSI ERAU WEHT DLRO." "Do you feel okay, Miss?" The shop assistant asked worried. "Wait! Let me try again!" Garnet was in despair. "WEHT DLRO QSSI ERAU." "Why didn't you say so?" the shop assistant laughed. Then he opened the door of the freezer, revealing the backstairs. The four women carefully stepped down. "A secret headquarter. Cool!" Rikku called out, while descending. "Literally." Quistis answered, rubbing her arms. After a short walk, they reached a dimly lighted chamber. In the middle of the chamber, somebody sat on a chair. His back turned to the visitors. This somebody spoke with a male voice: "Welcome. I already expected you. I am Cid." "Yes, we already know that. Thanks for the invitation. So, what's up?" Tifa urged. But Cid did not lose the thread: "I'll provide you with information on your mission and special gadgets. Besides, I want to introduce you my sidekick, Bartholomew Fatima (XG)." A young man jumped out of the shadows. "That's right. I'm your absolutely, definitely, positively, honestly, without exception and 100-percent trustworthy companion. Oh. And you can call me Bart." The man told and shook the women's hands. "Bart will meet you in the heart of Tokyo, he will accompany you on your quest and support you." Cid explained. "Oh no! The plane to Tokyo! I completely forgot. See you!" Bart noticed and ran off. "Silly boy." Quistis remarked. "Well. Let's continue." Cid pushed. "Now comes the fun part. For you, Garnet and Tifa, I have special communication jewelry. Here you have a copy of Garnet's necklace, there you've got a pair of earrings, that look exactly like your teardrop earrings, Tifa. If Garnet speaks into her necklace, Tifa will understand every word. Somehow like a walkie-talkie." Cid paused. A ray of light descended from the ceiling. When it touched the ground, it created a little jewel case. Garnet picked it up, took out the necklace and slid it into her pocket. Then she chucked the jewel box to Tifa, who caught it and let the earrings disappear in her bra. (It sure can hold many things!) Cid drew the attention again to himself: "As for you Rikku, I have Edgar Roni Figaro's (FF6) toolbox. It contains an auto-crossbow, a debility-analyzer, a drill, a camera, a chain saw" Cid drew his breath. "A hammer, a screwdriver, a small can of sleeping gas, a wrench and last but not least, a corkscrew." "Edgar Roni Figaro's toolbox? This job sure rocks!" Rikku announced happily. The toolbox vanished behind her multiple purpose vest. Cid continued: "You too Ms. Trepe, will not leave empty-handed. First of all, you get a brand-new whip. Because you lost yours." "I didn't lose it, someone stole it." Quistis defended herself. "Whatever." Cid said. "It is a electro-whip and it stuns its victims. You can try it, if you wish." Quistis took the whip, wielded it and hit herself. A dense fog engulfed her. Her hair stood on end and she had to cough: "I think I still need some training." She croaked. Cid just ignored her: "Then, we have some new glasses for you. With their help, you can look through walls and clothes. Just regulate the definition." Quistis was glad about this gadget: "Oh good. You know, my old glasses fell into the toilet, when I cleaned the bathroom." Then she put on the glasses. "I'm amazed. Tifa's body is indeed totally natural." She declared giggling. "Thanks for the comment, Quisty." Tifa muttered. Cid wasn't finished yet. "I give you a new pair of leather boots, though you don't merit." He said. "What are those green stripes for?" Quistis wondered. "Well. The boots do look a lot nicer with those." Cid replied. "How impulsive." She countered. "Nevermind. You may get some more gears during your journey. Your vehicle is outside this room. Follow the tunnel." He explained. "Thank you, Daddy!" Rikku squealed and walked off. "See you Uncle Cid, you old oglop (Private Joke)." Garnet said thirsty for action and followed her. "I won't disappoint you, Headmaster." Quistis saluted. Then came Tifa: "Tell me. Which Cid are you?" "You are still too immature to know that. And now get the *&%@ hell out of here." He roared, his voice booming through the chamber. "Sorry." Tifa whispered meekly and ran off

"Awesome!" Rikku exclaimed at the sight of the technical marvel. "Well. It isn't exactly a technical wonder, Ms. Author." Quistis explained, sounding like a teacher. (Trepe Teacher. Groan!) "I'll correct that, Ms. Trepe. But you should think twice before you complain again. Or I shall take Ms. Rinoa Heartily for your place." A voice boomed down the skies. Quistis was silent. Then the voice continued: "The show must go on. There's no time to waist."

Actually Rikku just gaped at the technical catastrophe, not sure if to dance with delight or to cry in despair. (Happy now, Trepe Teacher? You just destroyed a young woman's expectation.) But the four women didn't discuss long and entered the plane. Similar to the outside, the inside was shabby too. In the cockpit was just one seat with no cushion. In the whole plane was no other seat. Instead there were two hometrainers (these fitness bicycles). Rikku quickly checked the controls and said cheerfully: "Allrighty. I'll pilot the baby. But two of us have to handle the hometrainers for power." The three other girls looked at each other muted. Eventually Garnet broke the silence: "I have an idea. Tifa and Quistis will sit on the hometrainers, while I coach them." The she pulled a megaphone out of her pocket (!?). The other two were so excited, that they groaned in despair. "Ok! All set? Here we go." Rikku squealed, bouncing up and down in her seat. With a great moan the machine took off. Suddenly Rikku exclaimed: "Oh boy! A radio. What music shall we listen to?" All versions of Melodies of Life." Garnet suggested. " How about my meditation tape: Ten steps to happiness." Quistis said. "I'm the pilot. So I decide." Rikku yelled. "We listen to the Offspring." And she jammed the tape into the radio.

Half an hour later "Harder! Faster! Come on! You can do better than that!" Garnet commanded through her megaphone. "I'm doing my best, you spoiled, super-deformed freak." Tifa hissed through her teeth. "Why don't you make up a gang name for the secret agent group, your highness." She continued, hoping to distract the little summoner. "Um How about Square Girls?" Garnet suggested. "I am Royal Square. Rikku is Hyper Square. Quistis is Melancholic Square. Bart is Queer Square and you are Big Boobed Square." She chuckled. "Just brilliant." Tifa mocked. "Silence." Garnet roared. "I hate my life. I hate my life." Quistis mumbled, struggling with the hometrainer. Then she dialed a number on her cell phone: "Hello, Dr. Luccia? It's me Quistis Trepe. You have to help me." She pleaded hysterically. "Calm down, Quistis, calm down. Close your eyes and count to ten." The doctor told. "You're right. That's good. One Two Three." Quistis' voice shook. "Four Five Six." "Shut up and push harder" Garnet interrupted her dryly. "Dr. Luccia it doesn't work." Quistis whispered. "Heiliger Strohsack!" Dr. Luccia cursed. " I have to think of something else. Auf Wiederhören." It was quiet. Quistis gulped and carefully asked: " Dr. Luccia? Are you still here, Doctor?" She lowered her head. "Everyone hates me." She muttered. " I will hate you even more if you do not obey me." Garnet yelled. " We'll land any minute. Please stay seated, till the plane reaches its position. Thank you for flying with Air Square." Rikku joked as the plane reached Japanese ground.


End file.
